[cyuu@cat]# _

[Posts] - July 30, 2023 - Crippling Internet addiction

I think I'm really addicted to the Internet. I think most people are, but me especially. Holy shit, it's bad! I went one day without the Internet last month just to prove that I could to myself. What a productivity sucker! I didn't even miss it most of the day. It just was such a strong instinct. I kept getting the urge to check Fedi, check for manga updates, search random questions that pop into my head, check for messages from friends. It was all out of habit. It was not something I genuinely had interest in using besides staving off boredom.

I've done two major things related to the Internet in the past few months.

First, I started my own Fedi instance, fedi.cyuucat.moe, seeing if it would be better to use. Note that it is not hyperlinked. This is because I proceeded to take it down within a few months silently. I do not use it or my original SPC account anymore. Instead, I use an unnamed alt account where I check a few times a day to see shitposts, then close it. I do not interact much with people there anymore.

Second, related to not interacting much anymore, I no longer attempt to make new online friends. I've lost touch with several acquaintances too. The great part of making friends on the Internet is that it is much easier to find friends with matching values and hobbies than it is in person. If I could have the friends I had online in person, I'd be on top of the world, but I am still glad I was able to find these people before I started leaning away from the Internet.

Something I've not done is update the site. At all. Which I feel absolutely terrible for, but it became one of those things where I kept feeling guilty, so I lost motivation, and then I felt more guilty, and you see how it goes from there. I think I tried to write a more eloquent post about this all maybe 20 times over.

My main problem with the Internet is that it has become a massive productivity hole despite what I've done the past few months. Instead of using it to talk to friends and use Fedi, I use it to read absolutely insane amounts of manga (and some limited quantities of Fedi still (okay I really do suspect Fedi is 70% of the problem here)). I don't spend all day interacting with people through text, though, which is a massive improvement to how things were. However, the problem stands. I cannot focus enough to make any sort of creative content. I've now spent half a year like this. I feel terribly guilty about this too.

There is an idea that the small, comfy Internet, like personal sites, Neocities, Fedi, and forums are better to use. To an extent, they are. They don't collect information the way mainstream social media sites do. They don't have millions of dollars of research going into taking your attention and time away for as long as possible. However, they still can eat your time just as well, and can enforce the idea that online interaction is comparable to in person interactions, when they are very much not. It's the equivalent of diet soda. It's probably better for you than regular soda, but that doesn't make it good, just better.

I said before that the Internet is an extension of reality. I don't think this is true anymore. I believe that the Internet is only an extension of reality if you let it be, and I certainly am.